Chronic Fetal Banana Syndrome

One day, I woke up. I said, "Wow, I suck.", then I ran into a wall when i meant to walk out the door which is on the adjacent side of the room. I fell unconscious. Then I got up and said, "Gud Dummit" and turned left and ran into a window, passed out, cussed, turned, ran into the closet and banged a wall, blacked out, did that again, got out of the closet, and finally found the the door. I ran down the hall screaming, "Aw meh Gud, weh gunna DIIIIIEEEEEEEE!" then calmly sat down and ate porridge with winkle cheese. Then I found a black speck in my oatmeal. The soup was too hot, so I blew until all the gruel was either on my face or the table. Then I picked up the speck and began talking to it. "Hey, chromium!"
"I'm not chromium" it said, "I'm Walter". Then I screamed until apple sauce came out of my ears. Walter screamed too, and turned into a box of tissue. Before pausing to take a breath after all that screaming, I took a tissue and it crawled up my nose. I then resorted to breathing through my butt, and soon found a big black bubble in my pants. I took it out and forced my way inside. Then I heard Goo Goo Dolls music, so I got out. Then, to my dismay, the balloon became a cake. So I went to the freezer and got the ice tray, since no cake is complete without ice cubes, and shook the ice onto the cake. Then tomyevenmorelessdismaylike, the ice cubes became ravenous penguins who devoured the cake. I told them all to smurf off, and they became furniture. Deer don't have fingers, so I tried to break my cat's off. Then I realized he didn't have those either, so I made him watch Opera. Then I went and played guitar, and the strings turned into... badgers and started doing the Can-Can. I jumped up and grabbed the ceiling fan, and the ceiling fell on them and they screamed, "FURZEN LEBEN!" and exploded. Then a new ceiling grew, and my legs got hairy, and I got a trophy for it. The plaque is good for brushing toilets. Suddenly, I realized Canada-Bagels. Come: fr  om! England. So I drew a pretty picture of a whale and named it Rosanne. The wooden furniture is made of real ivory. Then, one time, I wanted to see if cheese could breathe underwater. It made cheesewater. All the kids at the pool loved it. So I shot them with a banana. I wish lava lamps had ketchup in them. Wax is made by frogs, and it is wrong to take it from them. That day the squirrel ate rocks, so I threw dead birds at him and he became a toaster. Then he tried to hit me with a chicken leg, and I reminded it that toasters don't have arms, so it couldn't hit me. So I cried and put the water hose in my right nostril and turned it on. I don't use those cheap real tears. Then a clock fell on my head and trees grew out of my eyeballs. Then I went inside, and a bag of toilet paper kept staring at me. If that ever happens again, I'm gonna go crack acorns. Fartle.