Mr. Frog was a pleasant
man. He loved the other forest
creatures, and always spoke kindly to them. "Good day!"
he would often say. "What a charming little frog", the
surprised animal would respond, since it wasn't common
in the least to meet a civilized frog. The usual frog was a
slimy, hopping amphibian that was degenerate enough to
urinate when barely disturbed by anything.
Yes, Mr. Frog was among the friendliest of wildlife
in Bearbutt Creek.
One day, however, he grew
weary of the
constant ringing of his doorbell from a friendly neighbor
asking to chat over a cup of tea. So, he made his mind up.
He would go on a vacation! He knew just the spot, too.
Hoganus Woods. He packed his belongings in two small
handbags and set off.
The first part of his journey
was fairly simple. That was
until he encountered the mosquito. He was crossing a lake,
but when he reached the bank, a malaria infested mosquito
landed on his back.
"Pardon my asking, good fellow. But- what do you intend on
doing?" he asked it.
"I shall suck your blood",
it sang out.
"You will die of a horrid disease and I will fly off to bite more
frogs! Then millions of years later your kind will be extinct!
Scientists will try and take your blood, then complete your
DNA strands by inserting it into future frogs and having
them reproduce until your original organism is created!
But, after they have succeeded in reincarnating your species,
you will all just die again because you will all be infected
with an ancient disease that will erupt into the current
population of all living things! Never have been exposed to it,
every living being will be eradicated from the planet within
The frog eyed the insect
curiously. "And you thought all this
"It is the master plan!
My race was created to complete it!
It has existed since the dawn of time!"
"Please excuse my saying
so, but that is just utter stupidity.
And do stop with the exclamations. It will never work."
"Why not??" it buzzed intently.
Mr. Frog quickly snatched
up the insect. " Because it will not
work if you die before the frogs are infected. Oh, please do
forgive me, poor insignificant parasite." He started to raise
it to his mouth, then remembering his sophistication, smashed
it into the squishy mud. Then he continued on.
Mr. Frog came across a large
swamp crawling with alligators.
He proceeded very cautiously, but was suddenly snatched up
in the jaws of an alligator. "Excuse me", he said as loudly as he could
"but might I have a word with you?" The alligator slowly opened his mouth.
"I was wondering why you decided to pick on a kindly,
sophisticated gentleman as myself?"
"You're not slimy and revolting?"
"Afraid not, lad."
And with that he spit out Mr. Frog and they both continued
about their business.
Then Mr. Frog reached the
most perilous part of his journey:
a raging highway. Not careless or forgetful, he looked both
ways before starting out. Halfway across he could see his
destination: A beautiful white, sandy beach with cool, clear
water, crashing waves, and the sun brightly shining overhead.
He hopped more quickly now, excited by the spectacular view
and knowing he was almost there.
Then a car unexpectedly sped right towards him.
He jumped clear of its wheels
and sighed with relief.
Then another car he hadn't noticed screeched towards him
and smashed his head with a
Mr. Frog's vacation had ended early.
The Stupid End
What?? That frog was a rich
snot! He deserved to die!
Don't get so offended. He wasn't even real! Geez!!!