I am Spence. And
You might have recently heard of the Texas Trooper who
was shot with a rifle by a seventy-two year old man.
Well, this report is here to tell you the truth behind the
story-the tale of the Magic Baby [click for artist's rendition based
on eyewitness account]! He's smarter than the
average infantile anarchist.
see… it all started when this crazy old man shoved some tea
bags up his nostrils. He thought that he was doing this of his
own free will, but he was actually duped into doing this
by a certain Magic Baby. The tea bags were special, they led
him into a world of deception and dillusion. When the tea bags hit
the olfactory nerves, it sends a message to the brain which causes
immediate dementia, it is in this state that the baby can hypnotically
alter their sense of reality.
us describe this Magic
Baby. He has a pink coloration
and translucent skin. His eyes are bright red and lack
pupils, he wears an unidentifiable shade of lipstick and an anarchy
symbol drawn on his forehead with lipstick. He wears only a diaper
and is capable of levitation. The baby can be in many places at once,
like Santa Clause, by projection of holograms. Anyone can see the baby
and his holograms, even without the influence of tea bags. Except, every
witness has a different description, meaning only one thing--
he's magic of course!
moment the baby took control, he did something so horrible, so inconceivable,
it's bad. He made him drive his car! What's so bad about that, you say?
He made him do it… without a seat belt.
"It's your right as a crazy old man not to use a seat belt," persuaded the baby,
"and bring your rifle, too."
"That's not a right!" He stated reluctantly.
"Yeah but it's raining! So laws don't count." The Magic Baby gestured while
simulating rain by ringing out his diaper on the crazy old man's car.
all seemed to make no sense to the man, and he only compromised
when he was threatened by the baby, who said he would start singing
Broadway (Singing is another power of the baby. We can't stress enough
that he's magic. He can pull poop out of his hat, or pull a rabbit out of
his diaper, or poop out of a clean diaper, or somethin'). The man finally
agreed, and sped off in his old car. If his speed would fall below 50 mph,
the baby would start singing, "That's Broadwa-ay!" [click for imitation]
"Okay! Just shutup!" The man shouted. The baby kept this up until
they were confronted by a state trooper.
the baby started singing continuously, floating in front of the
police man's face (unbeknownst to the trooper) . The baby reminded him
that it's his altered right to shoot singing babies.
"Sir, you need to wear a seat belt," said the trooper but he couldn't be heard
because of the loud Broadway singing in the background.
"Stop singing that stupid song and urinating on my roof!" He exclaimed
before firing the rifle right on the forehead where the anarchy symbol is.
The rifle had been previously loaded, by the baby, with tea bags, which
went right through the baby's non existent head and into the
policeman's. He was then and from then on to believe and follow
the ways of the Magic Baby, for imprinted on his forehead was
an anarchy sign (irony) .
Are you a believer?